Oh, and...

Before you ask, yes, I tried to get it to make money. It didn't really work, though. The money always looked okay, but when I compared it to an actual piece of currency, the details were all off. The watermarks were gone, the signature was just a vague blur of lines, and the face on the front was some generic old white fart. Also, the texture was wrong. Too fabricy. It totally refused to make gold when I tried.

Kinda cool

Aside from the persistent fear of that it's going to give us both some kind of radiation poisoning, or open a portal to a hell-dimension, the new fridge is proving really convenient. It's not just food, either. The other day, I lost one of my shoes and my car keys, and they both turned up in the fridge next to the pork sausages. Well, sort of. I actually found the shoe a few hours later, so I guess technically it gave me a replica. Also, the shoe from the fridge is a little... blurry. The 'laces' are actually part of the shoe leather, the logo was unreadable, and the treads were gone. Also, I don't think it's actually made out of leather. It seems more like some kind of plastic.

And, frankly, it was a little disconcerting when I caught the fridge eating out of the garbage disposal.

Update

Finally got up the courage to go back to the apartment. Opened the fridge carrying a butcher knife. It seems to be back to normal. I'm telling you, though, that fridge has been radiating smugness all day.

And don't ask me how a featureless box can be smug, because I don't know.

Did a bit of investigating

I went in there with a broom this morning to see if I could wedge the door open and see what was happening inside. You know, in the name of science and all that. As soon as I got within ten feet of it, it did the humming thing, dinged, and then it opened up by itself.

I booked it. I just turned around and got the fuck out of there. It slammed shut a few seconds later, and I just saw it over my shoulder, but I swear to god there were things in there, and they had way too many legs. I'm currently sitting at the library down the street, trying to figure out my next move.

Asked John

Asked John about the fridge. He said something about how it mapped your nervous system to figure out what you wanted. I asked him where he'd got it, and he said Target. I think he was lying to me.

Addendum

Actually, can we go back to the fridge? Because it's weird. It looks like a normal fridge, except that the logo in the corner looked kind of blurred and unidentifiable. Also, there was no hande, no seams, and it didn't have a power cord. One morning the old Frigidaire was sitting in the corner destroying the ozone layer, and the next, the new fridge was there.

I ended up being late for work because it took me so long to figure out how to open the damn thing (you have to press your palm on the middle of the door). Which is the other thing. The first time I opened it, it was filled with nothing but beer and spam. This is actually not unusual, except that a couple of weeks after I moved in with John, I laid down the law, and reserved the bottom shelf for actual food products. Usually, the top three shelves are filled with the crap that he subsists on, and the bottom one is filled with the stuff that I eat. In this case, I'd stashed some really decent bacon, and a carton of free-range, organic eggs. They were gone.

Now, I was hungry and running late, and John had thrown away my bacon, so I started to swear up a blue streak. Suddenly, the fridge door slammed. I jumped back. Just as I was thinking that it'd been a freak breeze, the thing started to hum. It kinda shook for about ten seconds, and then, swear to god, made this little 'ding!' noise, and opened. All that was left inside was a rasher of bacon, a carton eggs, some good wheat bread, and a pat of butter. I made breakfast, and went to work, because I was running late, but it's weird, right?

The Fridge

Okay, yeah, so the Fridge is weird. I think it's possessed. Or made by aliens. I'm not ruling out aliens. Either way, there's some weird shit going down in the kitchenette. John's into something up to his neck. There's got to be something in the lease about this.

I just realized how boring my life is.

Seriously. I didn't leave the house all day today. I guess I could talk about the fridge. I'm going to go rename it the Fridge Journal.

Starting a blog.

Starting a blog.